Everybody knows that good habits need to be cultivated while bad habits seem to grow like weeds. Habits like self-discipline, self-control, order, and perseverance, are all habits that require a conscious effort to create and maintain. Procrastination on the other hand, is a behavior takes no effort at all. For better or worse, it’s your habits that make or break you.
The amount of self-help information available today is virtually unlimited, but it is of little value without first learning to direct your focus and attention. The mind moves constantly from one idea to the next with amazing speed, rarely giving its sole attention to one subject for any length of time. Yet success in anything depends largely on the ability to direct your mind; not only where it goes, but also how long it stays there.
Success, like anything else, must be learned and practiced. A habit starts out as no more than a thought. When this thought is pursued it turns into action. If repeated often enough this action will impress itself on the subconscious mind and form a habit. Once a habit is formed it becomes automatic and no longer requires the attention of your conscious mind.
Take a close look at your routines. Routines are what form your habits. Examine what is working for you and what is not. Just as with a garden cultivating good habits will also take time and attention. You need to nurture the flowers in your life and start pulling the weeds. If something is not working for you, get rid of it!
If you wish to be successful in anything you do, follow the clues.
Study the habits of successful people. It is the habits we create that make us who we are. One habit all successful people have in common is the ability to focus their attention for extended periods of time.
How do you make focus a habit? Start small and work up.
Resist the impulse to jump from one unfinished project to another. Write out a priority list and pay particular attention to the order of that list. Do not let petty distractions interfere with working through each task in the order you have established. When you overcome the temptation to let your focus and efforts become scattered, you are creating the habit of finishing projects and seeing them through to the end.
Situations will always arise over which we have no control but we can choose how we react to them. When you are thrown off course make a habit of returning to the task at hand as quickly as possible.
Learn to use your imagination and create a mental image of your end goal. The importance of mental imaging in attaining your goals cannot be over-stated. This mental image will act as a blueprint for your action plan, bringing your thoughts one step closer to reality.
When you consistently focus on your metal image it will manifest in the physical world. Regardless of whether you are trying to lose weight, succeed in business, or simply trying to improve your life, the more detailed your image, the better your chances of achieving your ultimate goal.
Acknowledge the small things.
Recognize and acknowledge each little success as it comes along. As one success leads to another they add up and you gain confidence in you ability to reach even larger goals.
Everything is learned by degree. Start small and practice daily focusing you attention for ever longer periods of time. As you learn to focus, one small success leads to another until success becomes a habit.
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In order for us to change the things that we are unhappy with in our lives we have to change the way that we think. If we never change the way that we think we will continue to get the same results in our lives. In order for us to see changes in our lives we have to face our worst enemy and that is FEAR (really ourselves)
About 90% of people live their lives in fear and never become the person that they dream of becoming. This simply happens because they just fail to take action. They FEAR what they don’t understand. We have to look at FEAR as nothing more then a word or as a learning process. Did you ever know what FEAR was when you were a young child? Probably not, at least until someone that you trusted or looked up to told you what it was. Mankind has simply connected a word to a feeling, giving it life and in turn making people fear it. Mark Twain said it best with this quote, “Do the things that you FEAR most and the DEATH to FEAR is certain.” You owe it to yourself to understand this principle.
To conquer fear start by accomplishing the things that you fear the most. After doing so, you will look back and think how foolish it was to be afraid in the first place.
Learn to leave your comfort zone. When we leave our comfort zone we become a more rounded individual. When we do the things that we fear and look back at them afterwards, we see that what we feared has now turned into part of our comfort zone. This simply happens because we do not fear these things after accomplishing them in the past. The next time similar situations arise we will no longer stress over it, we will just do it.
We must set our minds on always conquering the unknown. Always “think outside the box”. Look fear in the eyes and just do the task. Chances are that you will succeed and soon come to find out that FEAR is nothing more then a word. Every successful businessperson has undoubtedly faced fear many times, yet they have succeeded in their business. So can you!
Think back to when you were a child. Most of us have limitations put on our lives very early. We are taught how to think, what schools to attend, how to make a living, and finally, even how to plan our retirement. Most of us end up fearing anything that is different than what we are taught.
Once we understand and can change some of the beliefs that have been programmed into us by society, we can more fully take control of our lives and our destiny through the power of positive thought.
You to can become successful in any aspect of your life that you choose. You just have to get past one thing, YOURSELF!
When you do this you will start to become the person that you have always dreamed about. Today is the day you are going to take what is rightfully yours. It’s called LIFE! We are here to enjoy every aspect of life, not just to be a part of it.
Believe in yourself and start by conquering FEAR!!
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Developing your will power is directly related to your success in life. No one can over-estimate the power of your will to do.
Most people do not fail because of a lack of education. History is filled with uneducated or poorly educated millionaires who didn’t let this supposed shortcoming hold them back. On the contrary, what they may have lacked in education was obliterated by their overpowering will to succeed, no matter how many times they failed along the way.
It is the lack of determination and will power that is the true reason so many people fail. Just as an athlete trains for a physical game that takes concentrated effort, the mind must be trained with the proper skills to win in life.
The process of obtaining this self-mastery — the complete command of your mind’s powers — is a gradual one. It involves determination and the daily task of making it a habit. Once you have self-mastery, the cost of obtaining it will bring a real sense of accomplishment and a realization how minimal the cost really was in the long run.
You don’t need to be a genius to succeed — just make yourself do the thing you need to do when it has to get done, whether you like it or not. This is one of the best lessons you can learn.
When Henry Ward Beecher was asked how he could accomplish so much more than others, he replied, “I don’t do more, but less than others. They do all their work three times. Once in anticipation, once in actuality, and once in rumination. I do mine in actuality alone, so I end up doing things just once.”
Beecher could concentrate his mind on what he was doing at a given moment. Then he’d go do something else and concentrate on his new task. One of the secrets of a successful life is the ability to focus all of our energies on one thing at a time.
Don’t waste time worrying as it only crowds your thoughts with worthless clutter. Focus on what you’re doing when you’re doing it, and stop worry before it stops you. Worry is an energy vampire. It reduces your chances for success and it can make life miserable for those around you.
Learning to focus your efforts is the only way you will achieve the success you’re capable of achieving. The earlier in life you learn this simple fact, the more likely you will overcome everything that slows you down and prevents you from reaching true success in everything you do.
Here’s a recipe for a wasted life — just go about every day trying to do too many things all at once. Splitting yourself up into a hundred little parts leads to nowhere.
Yes, there are some people who like to juggle a number of tasks, and they may be good at it, but for most of us the need to concentrate on one task at a time is imperative to getting the job done. It’s not the amount of work you get done in a day or week or even a year, but it’s your persistence in constantly moving forward that will get you where you want to go.
Keep at it! And remember …
Focus, Focus, Focus.
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One of the biggest problems today is that most people are not happy.
We look for external stimuli to make us happy. We expect our significant other to make us happy and divorce her or him when they do not. We expect our children to fulfill our dreams for us and are disappointed in them when they do not. We expect money to solve all our problems and make us happy, then, we can’t understand why it doesn’t once we have it.
How many times have you heard someone say, “I will be happy when…”?
I will be happy, once I am married.
I will be happy, when I get a promotion.
I will be happy, when my children are grown and I’ll have more time for myself.
Pages and pages of examples could be given.
Another way to view this statement is, “I will do this, when that happens.” Have you ever made that type of statement? I hear people say it all the time. You are making your happiness contingent upon an external event.
Happiness is not an external thing. Even once you have something external, the happiness it brings you is short-lived. For example:
You have waited for that special relationship. The significant other is great, but you still have a negative attitude. You were happy during the initial stages, but now it seems routine.
You have always known that a promotion would get that new home for which you and your spouse have been waiting. You got the promotion, the money is great, and you buy that home. After the beginning the excitement wears off, things go back to the same routine, just in a different house. Your happiness falls back to your previous feeling before the promotion.
You and your spouse knows that you will be happy, once the children are grown. You will not have to work so hard to provide for the family, and you will have more time to enjoy your relationship and home. Well, the children have grown up, but they can’t afford to live on their own. The children are still living at home…for free!
Look at all the time in the examples above that people wasted not being happy! Then, when they got what they were waiting for, the happiness was fleeting. Again, it’s because happiness cannot be gained from anything external.
THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY
It’s incredible how many books have been written on the topic of being happy. Yet, so many people are not. Do they not read the books? There are people who read such books all the time and are still not happy.
With so many unhappy people in the world, being happy must be an extremely difficult thing to achieve.
Haven’t you known or met that person who always has a great smile on their face, a smile in their voice, and a skip in their step? You want that too…don’t you?
So what is the secret to finding happiness?
Believe it or not, the secret is known!
It is easy to do - no complicated actions.
It is quick to do - no long-term procedures.
You can do it anywhere - no special requirements or equipment are needed.
Anyone can do it!
The secret?
Determine yourself to be happy!
It’s an internal process.
True happiness that lasts is an internal process. Nothing from outside can make you happy or unhappy. As in any situation, your reaction determines whether the event is stressful for you or not. It is the same with happiness.
If upon waking each morning, you state strongly to yourself, “I am happy today”, then you will be. Whenever you encounter stress, just mentally reaffirm, “I am happy today”, the stress will be there, but your reaction will be minimal.
That person who always wears a smile and has a skip in his step, seldom experiences stress the same way you do. He is happy, and being happy allows the stress to roll off his back better.
So, make your determination every morning.
Tape affirmations that say, “I am happy today” all over your home and at work.
Say it aloud to yourself often throughout the day, especially on those days with many problems. Continue to say it, until you believe it.
Then, put a smile on your face and confront the outside world. When you are happy, you have the world in your hands!
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No one will disagree that modern life can get insanely busy – if we let it. Are we too busy though? How comfortable are we when we don’t have anything to distract us? Are we content when we’re not accomplishing something, moving ahead in our goals or helping others? Is our sense of worth tied to our busyness? Are we a slave to recognition? Are we lonely when we’re by ourselves? It is important not only to reflect upon such questions but to decide to behave differently.
Perhaps we could set aside five minutes of ‘thinking time’ a day. Some people might just ‘be’ while others may choose to meditate or pray. We might also do well to engage in a solitary activity from time to time or even develop a hobby that we quietly enjoy ourselves. Instead of only reading work-related journals, we should read outside of our area of expertise and read for pure pleasure.
Many of us are performance-oriented and driven by success and competition. We should acknowledge that one day we may be at a loss to know what to do with ourselves when our career is over, retirement beckons, or perhaps we become physically unable to actively pursue the same interests. Can we still be happy even when we’re not busy? We need to slow down and savor life – not rush through it and miss so much potential beauty and happiness along the way. It is entirely possible to discipline ourselves to slow down and be more fully present in each human interaction and each solitary moment of our day.
Being fully present is impossible if we are constantly rushing about, going over our ‘to do’ list or mentally reviewing the meeting we just left. To be fully present is to give 100% attention to the task at hand or to whomever we’re talking. It means maintaining a comfortable degree of eye contact, verbally showing comprehension and asking open-ended questions. Applied to family life, trying to slow down and be more present brings irreplaceable rewards. The dignity of each family member is recognized and deeper relationships result. The next time your child or a young person asks for attention in some way be reminded that nothing is more important or sends a message of love more than willingly giving them your time. It’s a gift of self.
Do not miss the truly important parts of life by being too preoccupied and busy. Slow down! Resolve today to:
• Look for the beauty around you
• Begin to read a book for pleasure
• Spend some quiet time alone
• Listen better
• Spend some time visiting with family and/or friends
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Abundance is for everyone, not just the limited few that life appears to have smiled on.
We are surrounded by abundance. Nature is lavish, even wasteful in its abundance. Anyone caring to look will find an abundance of love, joy, money, and health is readily available to everyone willing to accept them. If there is any lack in our lives it’s not because there is not enough, but rather, because we are limiting our intake. What we receive in life is controlled by the limits we place on our emotions, behaviors, thoughts and actions.
There are many factors involved in why it is so hard for us to open the valve controlling the flow of abundance in our lives. By the time we become aware of the fact that we create our own limits, the beliefs and habits we’ve developed that produce these limits are so ingrained they are very difficult to change.
Society also has its role to play. Since most of the world’s governments have become capitalistic societies, it’s in their best interest to promote conditions and belief systems that produce large numbers of have-nots. Simple economics tells us that in order for capitalism to thrive, there must be a large supply meeting a large demand and you must have people who are in debt to create a large enough demand to consume that large supply.
The simple reality is that the governments of the world make their money from our poor health, debt, and our struggle to “just get by.” Their abundance is dependant on our lack.
But this does not mean we have to accept these limits. While it’s true that most people will never take advantage of it, information about attracting wealth and prosperity is freely available to anyone caring to look. And the law of attraction says that the more you look, the more information you will attract. What fills your life is what you focus on.
Learning to create abundance in your life is about much more than simply creating material wealth, it is about enriching your Self as a whole. When you begin to understand the principles and laws that govern Abundance, you begin to understand that you are not constrained by the conditions of the economy or the amount of your present income.
Your ability to increase your wealth, live in abundance, and have financial freedom is all based on your understanding of the universal laws that govern the flow of energy controlling your ability to turn potential into reality.
Yet there is more to creating abundance than simply placing an order and then sitting back to wait for its delivery. You have to be giving something of value, adding to the flow, in order to make this work. When this is the case people are more than willing to pay for your contribution.
Wealth, money, success, love, and health are all forms of energy. Being part of the flow means that you are a participating member. Once you understand how to operate in the flow of that energy, you learn to work with the Source of energy and actively create your reality instead of simply letting random thoughts create a chaotic existence for you.
Abundance is about living a healthy, vibrant life with a purpose and experiencing the joy that comes from possessing a strong sense of Self.
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The type of belief being discussed is the one that a person has when they have complete faith in their own capabilities. The type of belief that Terry Fox the one-legged young man from British Columbia had when he started to run across Canada to raise money for the Cancer Society. The same sort of belief that Rick Hanson the wheel chair bound Canadian who wheeled around the world to raise funds for spinal cord research had when he started his man in motion tour. Absolute belief in their ability to do what they set out to do.
The power of belief is a spiritual power we can use to achieve nearly impossible feats. The power of belief is the most awesome force anywhere. It is within each of us, and it is unleashed by a spark created by our self confidence. When our self confidence in our ability to do something is strong and unwavering, our subconscious mind is prodded to awaken our belief. It has been scientifically proven, many times, that when we believe we can do something then we will find a way to do it. As Mary Kay Ash said, “If you believe you can, you will and if you believe you can’t, you are right.”
The power of belief is strong and as your belief increases, you will discover things that were once just a dream or a thought, will become fact. To build up your self confidence so it will act on your belief, you have to make sure your self talk is always positive. Become your own coach and mentor, encouraging yourself to do better. Set goals and work to reach them. Reaching goals and talking positively to yourself will build your self confidence quickly. As your self confidence grows, so will your belief in your ability to do what you set out to do. The power of belief is what will make you successful in everything you attempt. Once your belief becomes deeply established, then little miracles will begin to happen for you.
The following experiment was conducted in a school in the United States. The results show just how powerful belief is.
A large class of students was broken into two smaller classes. The poorer performing students were put into one class and the average and above average students were put into another class. The average and above average class continued as usual. The under performing students were told by their new teacher that they were taken out of the class and put into this special class because they were the brightest students and they were going to be given special assignments to prove to everyone they were especially intelligent. They were told not to discuss their school work with the other students because it would make the other students envious. They were then given the same work as the other class. Throughout the year the teacher continued to praise the students and tell them how bright they were. By the end of the school year, the former under achievers were performing better than all the students in the other class. This experiment has been tried several times in different schools around the country and the results were always the same. When people are told frequently they are smart, good and can do exceptional work, they always start performing to that level because frequent repetition of praise makes them believe in their ability to perform at a high level.
The same thing will happen if you praise yourself over and over again. When you do something successfully, praise yourself. Constantly tell yourself how smart and capable you are. If your subconscious mind hears it often enough, it will take it for a fact. Your subconscious mind does not know whether something is true or not, it just “believes” what it is repeatedly told. By the same token, if you constantly belittle yourself or talk negatively to yourself, your subconscious mind will believe that. This is why you must always talk positively to yourself. It is well known that a person who has a negative belief and a negative attitude thinks, “I cannot to that” and a person who has a positive belief and a positive attitude thinks “I can do that, I know I can.” Positive belief can squash any adversity. Throughout history there have been numerous individuals who overcame obstacles using the power of their belief in themselves.
If you are the head of an organization, belief can be a powerful tool you can use. When you convince your staff that the work they are doing is very important and that it will benefit others, you will find their productivity increases dramatically. In fact individuals often work harder and will settle for less when they think what they are working for is linked to a deep self belief.
If you believe there is a possibility of achieving what you are doing, then you will use your full creativity and abilities and will pursue the task relentlessly. It is human nature to do so. Most of us are not very happy when we are doing something we do not believe in. Psychologist Marty Seligman claims in his book, “Authentic Happiness,” published by Simon & Schuster in 2002, people are happiest when using their personal strengths to defeat difficulties, if while doing it, they believe what they are doing makes a difference.
Our values are based on our beliefs; we make choices, set goals and act according to what we believe. Therefore, before we can change anything in our life, we have to believe what we are trying to change is possible. Whether we want to become the most successful person in our profession or we want to become a better surfboarder, we will have a better likelihood of success and we will work diligently to achieve it if we believe we can do it.
Napoleon Hill, author of the book, “Think and Grow Rich,” stated this concept very concisely when he said, “Whatever a man can conceive and believe, he can achieve.”
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Do you remember the old Emergency Broadcast Announcement, the one with the horrible beeping sound that tells you “had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed where to go and…”
A few years ago, there was something similar making the rounds on the Internet. It went something like this. “This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do…”
It would be nice if life came with instructions on where to go and what to do. But it doesn’t.
And yet, so many people go through life as if they’re waiting for instructions, or for their “real” life to begin. You’ll hear people say things like “When I lose 20 pounds, I’m going to…” or, “When I’ve got enough money, then I’m going to…” It’s as if they’ve put their life on hold, waiting for everything to be perfect, before they start actually living it!
But this life isn’t a test, or a rehearsal, or a game. You don’t get a “do over” when it’s finished. This is it.
Don’t waste another minute of your life! Instead of waiting until things are perfect, or for “someday” to arrive, start enjoying yourself now!
Not sure what to do?
Make a “What I want to do Before I die” list. When you’re starting your list, it doesn’t matter how wild and crazy your dreams are! So if you’ve always wanted to take up scuba diving, or you want to make a million dollars or even sing in front 10,000 people — write it down. Think about everything that you really want — the things that would make you feel special or loved, or important. The things you’ve been meaning to get around to doing, but for one reason or another, just haven’t done. The secret dreams that have been hiding in a tiny corner of your heart.
The important thing here is figure out exactly what it is you WANT. Writing the things down, gives them form and shape and power.
After you’ve written them down, prioritize the list. What things are on that list that are the most important to you? If you found out that you were going to die next year, or next week, or tomorrow, what would you want to do before it happens?
Don’t be surprised if your list is very long. You’ve probably been denying yourself for a while now, because “life” got in the way of “living.” If you’re like most people, you’ll find there are some things on your list that are very simple, and easy to do. Maybe you like feeling spoiled by having your first cup of coffee in bed every morning. Or maybe you only use grandma’s “company” dishes during special occasions, but you love them. Or maybe your list includes things like telling the people you love that they matter to you.
Whatever is on your list, whatever dreams and desires are in your heart, what are you waiting for? Set your alarm fifteen minutes earlier, and enjoy your coffee in bed. If you want to learn to salsa dance, but you’re waiting until you lose fifteen pounds — remember that salsa dancing is a great form of exercise — and just do it!
When you give yourself permission to start living your life, amazing things start to happen! You may find yourself going through a “lucky” streak. Opportunity starts knocking at your door on a regular basis. And you may even find that the stress and strain you were under has lifted. Things look brighter, and you feel happier.
Don’t throw your list away — in fact, keep it handy and add to it as you think of new dreams, new goals. Because as you begin to live the life you were meant to live — a life that’s worth living — you may just find that you need a new sheet of paper!
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The alarm goes off and through the thin slit between your eyelids, a sliver of white daylight gets in, signaling another day has begun.
With your sore, aching body, you buckle up your lead boots, strap on your sack of anger and resentment, and trudge laboriously into your day. You’re weak, exhausted, and burdened with pain before the day even starts.
This is what it feels like to carry around anger, resentment, and emotional pain day after day. You have no energy left for things that might bring you joy or happiness. In fact, if asked, you may not even remember the last time you had a truly great day.
All you keep seeing in your mind’s eye is replay after replay of the person you’re angry at, the person who wronged you.
This may be a difficult thing to hear but the only person being hurt carrying this emotional baggage around is you. According to a study performed at the Harvard School of Public Health, those scoring highest on an anger scale were three times more likely to develop heart disease over several years than those scoring lowest.
And here’s another other thing you might not want to hear – each day you hold on to that emotional pain and resentment, you give the person who wronged you control over your life. Each and every day drains away more and more of your own personal power.
There is a way out of this soul-depleting cycle — it’s forgiveness.
You probably don’t want to hear that word either. But that one word carries the most incredible power of healing and growth.
If you’re like many people in a state of emotional suffering, you may confuse forgiveness with excusing the wounding behavior, or simply forgetting about it, condoning it, or reconciling with the hurtful person.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean any of those things.
Forgiveness is having the courage to let go of the negative emotions you have about the person who hurt you. Researchers on forgiveness believe you are in control of your behavior and have the ability to make a personal choice to forgive or not.
Choosing to forgive is YOU having personal control over your own life — instead of giving that control over to the person who hurt you.
This does not mean the offending person is unaccountable for their actions. The goal of forgiveness is to take you from the place of victim to the place of improved health and greater personal power.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Yes, I’d love to let go of the heavy load I’m carrying around, but forgiving is easier said than done.” You’re absolutely right – forgiveness is probably one of the most difficult things to practice.
Here are seven steps you can follow to help you in your process of forgiving and lead you into reclaiming your life. (You can find more steps at The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance, a non-profit, tax-exempt educational foundation dedicated to evoking the healing power of forgiveness worldwide.)
1. In order to start the process of forgiveness, you must first acknowledge your anger, fear, resentment, and grief. Your feelings are justified and should not be minimized.
2. Recognize that to dwell on your negative feelings will do serious damage your physical and emotional health.
3. Understand that forgiveness does not condone the behavior that has brought you pain nor does it allow you to be abused.
4. Accept that you are responsible for your own feelings and it is up to you to heal your pain.
5. Make a choice to release the anger, sadness, grief, and fear your feeling by seeking appropriate professional help.
6. Make the decision to forgive the person who harmed you.
7. Remember you are forgiving the other person in order to free yourself from unnecessary pain and suffering — not the other way around.
Practicing these steps can help you reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead you on the path toward physical and emotional strength and well-being.
Remember forgiveness is for you –- for your health, overall wellness, and quality of life. It’s not for the offending person.
You, and only you, can make the choice to take off the lead boots, un-strap the heavy sack filled with anger, resentment, and pain and start living your life free of the past.
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