We all go through periods of adversity and suffering. Some of them are mild and some are life changing. Problems are simply a part of life, and while we can’t eliminate adversity, we can learn how to cope with it.
Obstacles do not have to be insurmountable roadblocks on the pathway to success or happiness. They are simply a part of life. Problems are generally an indication that we have something to learn.
When everything is going wrong and the world feels like it is falling apart, anger is normally the first reaction. But this is the worst thing we can do. Losing our temper will rarely achieve the desired result.
More often than not, losing our temper does nothing more than make a bad situation worse. The reality is that we don’t really lose our temper, it’s more like we turn our temper loose.
Whenever life acts, we respond, and these responses are seldom planned. Reacting on impulse when things go wrong we tend to lash out at anything or anyone that has the misfortune of being close.
This doesn’t have to be the case. And our chance of resolving an issue is much greater if we keep from getting angry.
While we may not be responsible for everything that happens to us, we are responsible for how we react.
The mind is a very powerful tool, and if used properly, can be a very strong positive force in times of trouble. But in order for the mind to be its most productive, it must first be calm.
The ability to choose our thoughts, to THINK what we want, is what gives us the power to determine our attitude and perspective when approaching a problem.
If we allow anger, despair and frustration to consume us, it’s like a runaway train gathering steam and threatening to derail. The FIRST thing to do is quit feeding the fire. As our initial anger passes, our perspective begins to change.
Once our temper is under control, we begin attracting solutions, rather than allowing anger and frustration to compound our problems.
All of us have an inner voice that talks to us. Pay close attention to this voice because it has the power to make any situation better or worse.
This inner voice is the voice of our subconscious mind and will work for or against us with equal ease. Once anger and frustration are removed from the equation, the subconscious mind is free to help guide us toward a solution if we listen.
Our subconscious mind is the ultimate information filter, but it will provide its most useful solutions only when we are quiet. The subconscious is an obedient and able servant once it knows which direction we want to go.
Don’t shy away from problems. Sometimes the best way to inform the subconscious mind that we need a creative solution is to experience frustration in our conscious mind.
By using the conscious mind to define and clarify the problem, we leave it to the subconscious mind to guide our actions in solving it. When the subconscious is jogged by need, visualization or relaxation, it will release back to the conscious mind necessary and helpful information.
Thoughts and emotions act as magnets attracting similar thoughts and emotions.
When we approach our problems with the right attitude and have things in perspective, it will appear as though our problems begin to solve themselves.
Does your body language say you’re a good listener?
Sure, you listen when needed (or do you?), but do other people see you as a good listener? Listening skills are essential for good relationships and are also a critical skill in many professions, especially the helping professions. Whether you’re maintaining a happy marriage relationship, counseling someone with problems, or coaching members of your team for business success, good listening skills lead others to feel more comfortable. They will have more confidence in you and hold you in higher esteem.
Did you know that body language has a major impact on how people see you – even more impact than your words? So, what says ‘good listener’ and inspires in others who speak to you the confidence that you really are listening? Your body language, of course! Even if you really are listening to every word, you won’t be seen as a good listener unless you have the right body language.
The body language of a poor listener has many of these traits -leans away or even turns away slightly, arms folded, maybe a bit of impatient toe tapping, and frequently looking elsewhere. Or, if someone starts to read then you know for SURE they’re not listening! And of course if your body language suggests you don’t want to listen, the other person will feel less comfortable talking with you and will be less likely to confide in you. This is a good recipe for creating distance and miscommunication in a relationship.
The body language of a good listener shows five characteristics that can be remembered through the acronym “SOLER”.
S – Square-on
Face the other person square on. If you’re turned away, you won’t give the impression that you want to listen.
O – Open-posture
Folded legs, and particularly folded arms can be subconscious signals that you really don’t want to hear what the other person has to say.
L – Lean-towards
Lean slightly towards the other person. This indicates an interest in what they’re saying. Leaning away from a person tends to indicate disinterest.
E – Eye-contact
Maintain normal eye contact with the other person. If you keep your eyes down, or keep looking away, you can give the impression that you’re not a comfortable or willing listener.
R – Relax
Don’t be too formal or stiff. A relaxed posture suggests that you’re comfortable in the role of listener, and ready to hear everything the other person has to say.
So if you’d like to improve your relationships, on and off the job, start by practicing your listening body language and SOLER!
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